My husband and I celebrated our 3rd Wedding Anniversary yesterday. In the article I shared then, I talked about the importance of a blissful marriage, what he means to me, what I value the most in our relationship and finally my relationship tips. In case you missed it, here is the link. You can also click on the following image for it.
Guest Contributors
It’s true that every marriage is different. I thought it’s not fair for only me to share my tips for a blissful marriage. So I decided to have guest contributors for this post. I thought it would be exciting to read the contrast of what everyone thinks is important in a marriage. Let’s see what they rate important in a marriage. And just before that, let’s first have an introduction with the contributors.
I am so thrilled to announce that my most favourite people below agreed to collaborate with me in this post:
The Spice of Adulting – Young blogger with a neat blog currently settled in Saudi Arabia. Mom of a toddler.
Rambling of a Lazy Mom – She’s the reason I’m a blogger. She’s my elder sis, a photographer living in Seattle.
Super Urdu Mom – An energetic & enthusiastic Pakistani-Canadian raising two bilingual kids in Calgary.
There are so many bloggers I could’ve reached out to but I chose them because I feel a good vibe in their marriage.
~ I am enchanted by the the blissful, love like vibe in the air that can be sensed around happily married couples. It really is something magical ~
The opposite is also true. lol. May Allah save everyone from a nasty toxic marriage. Honestly, they’re horrible! Everyone else in the room is also uncomfortable and is looking around for emergency exits. 😂
Todays Collaborated Post
I will be sharing Shehzeen, Anum, Tamania and Nataliya’s tips for a blissful marriage. Here we go!
I think the one thing I really trust in is that a good relationship is to remember that you choose your partner everyday. I think a lot of us probably believe that making the choice to be with someone is a one time decision. You say your qabool hais and I do’s and naturally slip into a mode of ‘living with’ what you chose.
Relationships are live and breathing. An ecosystem with you, your partner, your values, your emotions; it’s always growing and evolving.
Choosing your partner everyday to me is about making sure I have the best person in my life at all times. Whether it’s going good or bad. The person who will lift me up, take care of me, respect, value, honor my life. Everyday. In return, he needs to expect the same from me. Everyday. When we trust ourselves to demand the best out of others, we develop this immense respect for our own selves.
Self-respect allows you to not accept abuse of any kind, unfair behavior, lack of interest from the person you’re sharing your whole life with. You don’t just choose them once, you choose your partner everyday. Good communication, honesty, support, friendship: they all become by-products of this.
With the both of us, there’s a higher standard of living we’ve promised each other. We don’t really care for a higher standard in material possessions or belongings. But just in our love, there needs to be advancement and growth. No one deserves our love more than each other. And it’s this choice, this decision to choose ourselves as each other’s life partners every single day that really works for us, I think.
I know that I am in a very blessed relationship, one that I am grateful for and appreciate everyday. But I will say this, when it comes to talking about what makes a relationship great, I know the same formula can’t work for everyone.
Relationships are like people, each different from the other.
Just like you can’t fit everyone into one mould and make it work, relationships too need their own individual architecture. It’s important to always remember that, to take inspiration from what you like, then evolve it into your own story.
‘Shaadi shuda zindagi’ – you can never tell for sure how another couple’s marital life really is. But the one thing that you CAN tell with for certain is that every couple has a unique relationship, something only they truly understand. This uniqueness is what makes it really tricky to give marital advice to other people so I’m only going to share things that I’ve found helpful in keeping my relationship alive and kicking.
1. Companionship trumps everything
People marry for different reasons. For us, loving each others’ company is the biggest factor. We like being in each others’ face all the time. There is no concept of ‘personal space’ in our lives and that’s how we like it. So we always prioritize things that help us stay connected as friends. When the going gets tough and we have to choose amongst managing our domestic responsibilities, being kickass parents and spending quality time with each other, you’ll find us lazying on the couch, laughing on the most random internet jokes.
2. Love cannot be taken for granted
There’s no guarantee that you will fall in love after an ‘arranged’ marriage. Just like there’s no guarantee that you will continue to stay in love after a ‘love’ marriage. You may ‘fall’ for someone in an instant but the love that strengthens a marriage needs to be invested in. Every expression of love, by words or by actions, is an investment you make to strengthen your bond. And the day you stop doing that, your bond starts weakening.
3. Our dirty laundry stays inside the house
Just like every other couple, we fight. There are arguments and disagreements. Some turn nasty. Others, not so much. But all of this is a part of marriage. I’d even say it gets boring otherwise (no? just me?). But we know that our issues are ours to solve. Nobody needs to know our personal matters, not even our parents. We may be on a communication strike with each other but we don’t let it show to any third person. For everybody else, we’re always a team.
4. ‘Compromise’ is not a bad thing
But only as long as my spouse is willing to do it as well. Then it’s all good.
You give some, you take some.
You win some, you lose some.
As they say, taali dono hathon se bajti hae.
The goal is to have a happy LIFE together, not just a day or two.
Eyes on the goal!
5. Never pretend to be someone you’re not
Because when you live with someone 24/7, it will show. Sooner or later. Setting the right standards and building the right expectations go a long long way in determining the stability of your relationship. Don’t try to be Mother Teresea when you’re really just Bandit Queen. Because when the Mother Teresa lover discovers the Bandit Queen in you, the love will most likely go ‘poooof’ in the air.
1. One thing I have learned over time is not to panic over every fight, issue or disagreement that happens.
Sometimes when we feel our spouse isn’t being reasonable, we want to fight it out right there and then and prove our point. But I’ve learned over time that wisdom lies in sometimes letting things be and taking time to figure out if the issue is still important or not. And then to work on that over time.
2. Secondly that we are all grey, not black or white (entirely good or entirely bad), not us and not our spouses.
We all make mistakes, we all have our flaws. It’s important to accept that we are all imperfect. Sometimes we hold our spouses to different standards and expect them to always do the right thing even when we ourselves don’t of course. Basically what matters is if our intentions with each other are in the right place or not and patience with the rest sometimes.
We have been married for almost 10 years now and like any couple have had our mix of ups and downs between various moves, 2 children, job changes and 3 cities.
My biggest tip for making marriage work is to embrace the similarities and differences.
My husband and I are very different. He is an introvert and a home-body. I’m very social and thrive on company. His favorite place in the world is our home and I love travelling. He has a handful of close friends and I can’t even count all of mine!
But we also have some similarities such as both of us love books, we have a similar sense of humour, and we love decorating and building our home together.
We have accepted our differences and similarities and try to make it work by respecting each other’s individuality.
Over the years, we have also slightly changed under the influence of the other:
I love staying at home more now, my husband has made an effort to be friends with all my close friends, and we have explored and liked each other’s music preferences. But these haven’t been any forced changes but more natural ones.
I would say the first year of marriage is the toughest.
It is then you come face-to-face with the reality of marriage and how your spouse is different from you. Living on your own in a city where there is no family makes these differences more apparent since there is no buffer of family in between.
However, learn to laugh together, forgive quickly and make life easier for each other!
Ending note
To the contributors: I am so indebted to all the contributors who agreed to collaborate with me for this post that had me excited since June this year. Thank you all for being so supportive and for sharing these wonderful tips with us. It really was an honour for me to work with the bloggers I respect the most.
To Readers: And to all my dear readers, we’re nothing without your support. Thank you all for being here. Don’t forget to comment if you liked this article. Have a lovely day.
To Singles: For those who are single, please pray for a good spouse and marriage with every prayer. It is that important!
To Potential Collaborators: I am all for guest posts. I think they are a great way to collaborate with others in the same field. If you have any brilliant ideas, please feel free to email me. If it’s something I’m passionate about, we’ll get the balls rollin!
