6. Beware of bad habits

Dark times are the ones when a person can really go off the rails. This is the time when you are being tested the most. This is the time you must act up and not get into any bad influence. A person is at his weakest when he’s going through a turmoil and it is easy for him to get under the influence. You lose sleep, you are feeling extreme emotions and you tend to lose balance/control. But you better put yourself together and make sure you stay away from habits like taking sleeping pills, drinking, drugs etc.

7. Seek help

In our society, people think only mental cases go to psychologists or psychiatrists. That is not the case. Perfectly sane people who are going through a bad patch in life have every right to talk to a counsellor, psychologist or a wise friend. Talk to anyone who can make you feel better about yourself and life.

8. Travel

During hard times, one really forgets about the world. All you have been doing is focusing all your energies and attention on something which in most cases isn’t even in your control. You will not be noticing whether it’s cloudy or sunny or if the mountains are covered with snow outside. Being far from nature will naturally cause depression and make you feel worse about life.

You do not necessarily have to travel far. You could just take a picnic blanket and lie down in a beautiful garden/park where you can just do nothing and be close to nature, butterflies and trees. They have natural tonic to make you feel better, if not exuberant.

9. Surround yourself with happy people

We all have friends with whom we can be ourselves. But there are different types of people. Some have a positive aura around them, some have a really miserable and negative aura. Surround yourself with those who uplift you, not those who pull you down.

Choose to surround yourself with those that make you laugh. With whom you are a funny person. Don’t choose to spend the majority of your time with those who keep wanting you to stay in the past.

Remember talking about what happened to you and your horrible past is only going to make you feel worse. 

10. Prepare a short answer for peoples common (annoying) questions

Since you are already going through a bad patch, people’s interrogation will upset you badly. You may not yourself know all the answers and when they ask you, it’s just infuriating. When you’re hurt, sleeplessness, irregular heartbeat and stomach issues will be yours to deal with. Of course, people will ask, talk and want to know stuff.

Most of them don’t realize that their words are hurting us, the ones who do want to do just that. It’s best to think of a precise short answer of what to reply to commonly asked questions. It may even be:

‘Thanks for asking but I’m not ready to discuss it yet. I’m better now, let’s talk about something else. Change the subject or throw them a question (works even better).

I know there are so many chipkoo type irritating people who just want to only talk to us about our past. Even if you say the above, they will change the subject for a minute and then come back to the question: Tell me what happened?

I learned how to handle such people much later. I feel that when we’re raw, it’s better not to go there as it’ll only hurt yourself. They only want gossip. Most of them are not compassionate about you! They only want to discuss your life with others and want to dig more. I feel its best to avoid meeting such people altogether.

If someone keeps interrogating about your life shows they’re probably not true to you. Best is to stay away from such people who spread negative vibes. The most important thing is to surround yourself with positivity.

11. Read self-help books & survival stories 

Recently, at work, we had a session on Change Management and I could so relate to it thinking of all my life’s traumatic times. It is natural to feel apprehensive, anxious and vulnerable during hard times. Studying change management makes it a whole lot easier to cope with change.

Other than this, there are books available literally on every topic now. Search for books which relate to you. Self-help books are accessible which help you through difficult times in your life and make your tragedies far less painful. My mama has a whole library of books and all kinds of friends.

So every time I’m in the soup, she fetches just the perfect book for me for my exact situation. If I need more help, she will take me to a friend who is the perfect counsellor to heal my sorrow. It really helps!

There are many books available in libraries and stores on:

• Break-up survival guides
• The after effects of divorce
• Relationship advice
• How to move on after a loved one’s death

Choose the ones best suited for you and start reading! 

12. Count your blessings

One of the ways to come out of a miserable state is to be grateful for all that you are blessed with. It’s a great way to enjoy and appreciate the present moment you are in.

If your present is free of any intense physical pain, or you have the gift of working organs in your body (sight, touch, hearing, feeling and smelling), you are blessed and you have every right to celebrate life. 

• 5 things I’m thankful for
• 5 things that could go wrong but didn’t
• 5 good things I did today

13. Don’t think about your problems after 5 pm

My family and I have had our share of hard times in life. My mom made a rule in our house not to think or talk about our problems after 5 pm every day. In your hard times, your mind is overwhelmed by endless thoughts and possibilities. It never rests. So she made this rule and made sure we gave our minds a break by cutting off all our problems and only thinking happy thoughts after 5 pm. This also makes sure that you tackle your issues during the daytime only just like office life.

14. Play board games

Our family is obsessed with board games. Our idea of night time is to get together and play all sorts of games and have fun together. I have recommended a lot of games you can play in my article Zero Dollar Fun Ideas.

15. Listen to loud music

The best time to listen to loud music is in the car when you can sing along and have a good time without disturbing others. However, there may be other times when you are alone at home or your room is away from others where you can take advantage and play your favourite music as loud as possible. If you sing along, it’ll almost make your pain go away for some time.

16. Quality entertainment

I love the following quotation by a great scholar Abbas Hussain:

I take my entertainment very seriously. 

These days, it is way easier than before to choose exactly what you want to spend your time watching or listening to. Make sure its worth it! When it comes to entertaining yourself, choose TV shows which you love watching. If you’re watching something, ask yourself:

• Is this show making me laugh
• Is it making me feel good?
• Am I learning something important in life?

If none of the above are true, take charge of the remote and put on something that will make you grow as a person.

• Here is a playlist which I have saved on YouTube which contains intellectual TED talks and inspiring shows. 
• Here is a playlist containing some audiobooks.

17. Dance

There is no doubting that dance really makes you feel better. Night time is when my sisters, mom and I make it a point to dance away. It really uplifts your spirits and makes you forget all the pain. These precious moments are what life is really about. Isn’t it?

18. The weaker your interior, the stronger the exterior

We falsely believe that when people see us crying, they’ll run to us, hug us and kiss away our sorrows. But unfortunately, that doesn’t happen in this world. The weaker they know we are, the more they exploit us and tend to take advantage of us.

I’m talking about most people in the world. I’m not talking about family here. This is one of the most brutal facts of this world. So if you feel really down and miserable, you should still deck up, get ready and face the world with a smile.

19. Letting-go exercise

20. Fake it till you smile naturally

I remember in my worst times, my mama asked me to smile. I was pretty shocked and said ‘I’m struggling to stop my tears, how can I possibly smile at a moment like this’. She asked me to still try.

When you fake smile, it eventually starts to grow into you. Your muscles used to smile will start doing it naturally even if you were pretending the first time. Try it, it is a tried out way to slowly feel better. Plus its better for your skin to smile than to frown.

21. Practice mindfullness 

Practicing mindfulness keeps us in the present moment and doesn’t let us worry about the future or past. It is amazing how good you feel after this practice. If you don’t know about it, you can search for 15 minute mindfullness/meditation sessions on YouTube and start learning. There are many apps available on your phone too.

Practicing meditation, yoga, Reiki, reflexology are also forms of mindfullness which you can aim to learn. Getting a massage done is also an effective way to feel more present and happier.

22. Practice minimalism

We may not realize it but all the junk that we keep surrounding our houses with, makes us feel down. Minimalism is not only about the stuff we own in our closet/home but also in our lives. Practicing minimalism means letting go of everything in our life thats not needed. It also includes managing our energies, time and effort better. Automating our life/procedures and making it easier and simple. The book I recommend you all to read is:

Less by Rachel Aust

23. Listen to podcasts

My favourite way to start a day is to listen to podcasts. Almost every single morning I listen to podcasts while doing my day chores. The best part is that you can listen while you’re driving, excercising or doing house chores.

This is a sure-shot way to instantly boost happiness and grow as a person. While I’m bathing, feeding or spending time with my baby, I do it too. Anyone with a smart phone can simply go into Podcasts app and subscribe to shows which you like. Following are some of my favourite motivational shows that I love listening to. Some for business and others for personal/professional growth. I would highly recommend subscribing to the following and checking out their list of episodes. You’ll find so many that you can’t wait to hear:

• Jay Shetty
• Super Soul Conversations with Oprah Winfrey
• Nauman Ali Khan
• Be your own boss – Roota Mittel 
• TED talks daily
• The Minimalists 
• How I built this
• Minimal-ish
• Goal-digger by Jenna Kutcher
• The Motherly podcast
• Perfection detox
• Happier by Gretchen Rubin
• ProBlogger
• Unleash your blog by John Meese 
• Confessions of successful asian women with aliya
• Christy Wright’s Business Boutique
• Smart People 

24. Talk to family and friends in a funny tone

My mama and us sisters made this rule. Whenever we are stressed out, we talk to eachother in a funny tone. All must mimic and reply in an equally funny tone. This rule applies while talking on the phone too. Trust me, its so funny and cracks you up even when you’re in a serious mood. Actually it sounds even funnier then.

Tip: Try some really exaggerated paindoo/villager accents.

25. Gratitude journal

It has been proven that if we keep a journal and write:

• 3/5 things that I’m thankful for every day
• 3/5 good things that happened to me today

We will live happier lives.

26. Learn a new skill

Learning a new language or skill is therapeutic. Following are some ideas:

Learn painting, gardening, guitar, singing, boxing, karate. Anything… Sky is the limit! Here are some great ideas to get you started.

27. Be close to nature

I feel like the further we are from nature, the worse we feel. It has been proven that spending too much time in artificial lighting in front of gadgets has an inverse effect on our wellbeing and happiness. Being close to nature like walking barefeet on the grass, watching the sunset at a beach, walking in the rain, going for trekking in the woods makes us feel so good.

Spending time with animals is a great way to boost happiness.

Conclusion

Whenever I was going through a misfortune in life, my dad reminded me with a smile on his face:

“This too shall pass”.

When we both were on the longest trek of our lives (from Taxila to E-11 Islamabad), he said:

“When your knees quiver and you can not take one more step, that’s when you must not stop.” We all have heard the saying: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Let’s all try to be stronger individuals who accept catastrophes as part of life and move on. Let’s not get stuck in aw, self-pity, anger, or ‘why me’? Instead let’s move on, accept life’s challenges and think positive!